Here exists a campaign to suss out the shocking and awe-inspiring weirdness of the internet and it’s related world.
This elusive creature is a lone and mysterious figure. Co-founder to this website, boyfriend to Kurvball. In his homeland, Gabriel’s were hunted for their pelts, nearly driven into extinction by others’ efforts to look handsome. Where once hundreds, if not thousands of them roamed the countryside, only one remains.
The sole-survivor of his kind, he is an aspiring writer, teacher, and a deeply avid music collector, is a Jack-of-all-Trades that prides himself on a Swiss Army Knife-like collection of skills that facilitate all manner of work and a variety of etcetera, he’ll get the job done, whatever said job may be. He also likes burritos. Bring him a burrito…NOW.
1. When I was 4, I got a hairbrush caught in my hair while my parents were showing our house to a potential buyer. I freaked out, and hid, bawling my eyes out.
2. When I was about 6, I was playing “house” with the neighborhood kids, I pretty much told off the guy who was playing my “husband.” His last name was LeBlanc, and when he said “Now your name is LeBlanc.” I said “No, I’m Jennifer Kervin.” And when he said “Now I am going to work. You have to stay home and bake cookies,” I replied by yelling “My name is Jennifer and I DON’T BAKE COOKIES.” My mom proudly watched from the kitchen window.
3. Around grades 3 and 4, I used to take boxes and build these nerdy little “reading areas.” I didn’t get out much, even as a child.
4. I had a crush on Teddy Ruxpin when I was about 3 or 4….long before “beastiality” was part of my vocabulary, and safely nestled in that innocent period where one harbours crushes on animated critters. And Jim Henson creations. In a similar vein, my cousin had a My Pet Monster doll, and I used to really really really want it to come to life, and be my BFF.
5. I used to make my Barbie dolls go on dates with my brother’s Ghostbuster action figures. Barbie was too much of a “glamazon” to fit into the Ghostbuster-mobile.
6. Last fall I was hit by a car. I crossed the street legally and was bounced off the front of an SUV. I wasn’t hurt so this makes for a good “one-up” story for parties or bars. I actually think it’s kinda funny, and when I told my mom about it the day after, she only momentarily panicked. She mostly laughed. I love my mom.
Likes: My rockstar Mom and Dad, Gabbo, my BFFF, my “home” friends (homies?), my cat Felix, aged cheddar, Tina Fey, Arcade Fire, anything and everything to do with books and book publishing/magazines/the media, pop culture ANYTHING, useless trivia, being from the Maritimes, the beach (ocean > lake, natch), country music and country parties with my BFFF, vintage clothes and jewelry, pancakes, pretending to do “voices,” gossip, That’s-what-she-said jokes, TV, wedding shows where I can get my judgement on, antique/thrift stores, New York City, and anything and everything that is either absurd or ridiculous.
Dislikes: Hummus, overly “fishy” fish, olives, loud phone talkers, perpetually happy people (that shit weirds me out), mosquitoes, reptiles, and writing out the dislikes section of a “likes and dislikes” because don’t most people surround themselves with likeable things anyway? Aren’t most things we dislike brought on by outside factors? Oh, I also dislike over-thinking things.