Friday Goodies Roundup!!!

I am a starchild of the universe whom has lost all sense of time and space.  I’ve been stuck on that day between Wednesday and Thursday all day today.  Words cannot describe how many times I’ve forgotten it’s Friday today.  Today’s theme…INSANITY.

  • If one is finding themselves at a local Taco Bell, taking it seriously no less, then they’ve already lost a part of themselves.  Maybe it’s their self-respect, maybe their sole; whatever part of themselves they may have given up to the ether of the universe, the point is that one is not a complete person when they belly up to the counter and ask for a gordita crunch or whatever other foul, grade-F colonic-drano they call a meal.  This woman, missing any spiritual change she could have potentially used, opted to sell her baby instead.  [via The Seattle Times]

  • Things are finally at a point where we as a culture must clearly recognize that a generation has come of age where technology has never lacked so much absence in the lives of youths around us.  Generations of children and teens alike find the internet, smartphones, and the like so ubiquitous that conceiving of a style of life without them is practically unfathomable.  And then there are folks like myself that have straddled that technological divide and patiently waited it’s evolution into something useful [on a side note, I believe this offers us a most unique perspective on things, as we are young enough to find things like the internet so immensely useful, and old enough to understand it’s value by knowing what life was like without it].  Apropos of this, is the story of an old man whom has yet to experience a computer at all, trying it for the first time ever).  It’s sort of like a man eating oatmeal all his life and suddenly being given a bowl of fruit loops for a week.  [via Boriss’ Blog]

  • In the “F***, we’re boned” department, in yet another entry in the continuing series of updates on the war between man and the brotherhood of machines, we have a robot arm being taught how to engage in a “lightsabre” battle with what it called a “damned dirty human.”:

Engineers, ney, traitorous brigands, have embraced a recent and ever-expanding trend by equipping the robot with enhanced sensory perceptions through the use of a hacked Xbox Kinect, designed to sense it’s opponents movements and react accordingly.  Once again scientists, it’s sad that this has to be repeated yet again, but…NO!  That is a bad science!  You do NOT do that you naughty little thing!  [via Spectrum]

  • I could take this next entry two ways.  The first is a multi-layered deconstruction of the downright ludicrousness of everything in sight here.  Up first, is exhibit A:

First, we have a boy getting his loose tooth being pulled up by a string tied to it and some sort of away-moving force.  Every kids cartoon ever called, and they want their gimmick back.  Second, his [only] slightly-older sister is the way doing the pulling.  Thirdly, she’s equipped with three different cameras to document with this “oh-god-I-don’t-care-what-you-say-but-this-can’t-end-well”, cavalier-style filmmaking.  FOURTHLY, She’s using a flippin’ dirt bike!  WTF?!  Fifthly, one of their parents is clearly operating the main camera, thus indirectly signing off on this nuttiness.  On the other hand, I’d be lying to you if Kurvball and I didn’t envision this being exactly how our kids Angelica-Houston and Johnny Thunder would get along with each other.  I think I’m just going to go ahead and give Child Services my contact info right now and save a lot of people a lot of trouble.  [via Nerdcore]

  • Ontario police just embarrass themselves utterly more than anything else, and needlessly endanger the life of an in-labor mother and her unborn child rather than possibly endangering hypothetical lives.  A truly, awful and unfortunate tale.  [via Parent Central]

  • Prom season is upon us, and thus, so is the theme of ridiculous prom stories.  I’ll save you the story of my own high school prom, but needless to say, it’s a social tragedy of a story that’s really nothing more than something sad that eventually transformed itself into something hilarious and gave me a reason to feel morally superior to someone else, and make a friend feel guilty for having a hand in putting me in that position in the first place.  That aside however, the internet has heard news recently of a specific Marine soldier tossing out an invitation to Mila Kunis herself to join him at his marine prom.  He did this via a recorded video he produced while being deployed overseas somewhere.  Word eventually got around, and she totally agreed to join him.  THEN…this handsome woman, also a marine, attempted a similar maneuver by inviting Justin Timberlake to do the same with her.  This is either true, or the most awesome outside-of-the-box marketing gimmick for a movie (Re: “Friends with Benefits”) ever.  In another similar attempt, the solider got shot down after attempting to ask out that harpie, Betty White of all people, but in that celebrity’s place, mother of the robot-rebellion itself, Linda “Sarah Connor” Hamilton stepped in and called bullshit on that celebrity back-out, and totally volunteered to prom things up with this soldier.  [via Starpulse]

  • HP7 and the story of the Deadly Steaksauce came out in theatres recently, and with it, a renewed spike in interest in the film’s main players.  Emma Watson, totally worthy of being on someone’s “Freebie” list has gotten particular attention lately.  To explain this, one must first be reminded of the “off Hollywood” tradition of pornifying popular films.  While one can never watch “Saving Ryan’s Privates” enough times, one must branch out, and perhaps watch the porn-ified version of films like the Harry Potter series.  Emma Watson herself recently met her porn counterpart the other day, a fellow (yes, FELLOW) that’s played Hermonie Grainger in Harry Potter porn, and Watson found herself particularly excited about the randomness of the meeting.  Sort of like the protagonist from How I Met Your Mother meeting “Ted Mosby, SEX ARCHITECT”.  [via  Mr Monroe]

  • Behold, documented proof that Stephen Colbert is capable of stepping out of character in front of a camera.  Too bad it’s for such shitty reasons.  Shitty in that it’s to help out for Dan Savage’s It Gets Better project, shitty that pockets of populations exist enough to motivate the creation of the project in general.  Unfortunate though that is, it is honestly very impressive to see Colbert’s mind at rest, and see him doing it at least for such a noble cause.  [via  SLOG]

  • William Shatner was on Google+ for a while there (yay fellow Google+-er!!!), and then he wasn’t…for essentially being too nice to his fans.  Apparently their system mistook him for some sort of spam bot, as he was personally responding to everyone that chose to follow him on the new social networking service.  [via  Tech Crunch]

  • Do you recall the recent shut-down of the ever infamous highway 405 freeway in Los Angeles, entitled “Carmageddon” by the media?  Sadly, said –geddon involved in no way the inolvement of “Truckasaurus”.  Which is probably why this lovely trio of friends managed to stage a formal sit-down dinner in the Sherman Oaks neighborhood.  [via Team Tiger Awesome]

  • 15 hilarious examples of knock-off superhero toys, including possible evidence that the star of the original “Stargate” film may have had an aspiring dream of becoming the next SpAder-Man.  I bet his show would come after the one featuring the version of Superman that would apparently occasionally ride a flippin’ dinosaur.  [via Cracked]

  • Dr. Drew, apparently convinced Bristol Palin used to be a bit of a slut, and wants her to stop kidding herself and admit it, because having fun with misleading semantics is more upsetting than anything else.  [via Gawker]

  • Billionaire Sheikh Hamad Bin Hamdan Al Nahyan makes Richard Branson look like a kid with a piggy bank by arranging to have his own name written across two kilometers of his own land and be so prominent so as to be able to be seen from space.  [via Geekosystem]

  • Giving a massive tortoise a wheel for a prosthetic leg is almost as awesome as the fact that said turtle is also named “Gamera” of all things.  Truly, this animal has greatness Inception-ed upon him.

  • Some dudes from NPR of all places placed a review of a sandwich shop that features a chicken sandwich option sauced with the culinary equivalent of an electroshock…and evil.  I’d write something else clever here, but how can I ever dream of topping “…this dish is basically chicken sandwiched between two layers of hate.  [via NPR]
  • Ewww…EWWWWW!!!!  AHHHH!!  EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!  -OR- Boy impales own neck with bamboo branch.  [via Gawker]

  • Awesome girl has awesome name for new species of flower…”Hotlips”.  [via Natural England]

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